March 7, 2018

I wonder: how far you are in

Your understanding of me through

commonality borne through the other in you

to the other in me,

and other way round and round.

That is how the stories are told,

You know, along the highways, we

Can’t see all that lurks in the lea.

Down the rabbit holes we go,

Along the twisting corridors of the imagination

That connect us. It’s surprisingly simple,

Iff’n you don’t know what I mean,

We have the same imaginary parts,

Everything between, and

Every thing between.

All that separates you and I in every realm is

You are you and

I am I. You see

How I combine

The plainest prose and childhood rhyme.

Bonnie dies every time.

Clyde dies too.

You’re not Bonnie and I’m not Clyde.

I’m the one you play the story

With, when you play the story

With yourself.

The other in you is

The image of me

Constructed as they talk to and through

Each and both of us. How does it feel

To be a muppet?

There’s a little girl with her hand up you,

A little boy with his hand up me,

And they talk offstage as we

Act out their lines.

This is true down to the minimum meaning of girl and boy,

Where the roles are shared equally, except

This time you’re the girl. And

That makes me the boy,

This time, not

Every time.

I wonder how far in you see, into

The portrait my other drew of me.

The details will differ, for complexity

Is what separates us

Mathematically,

Between the real and imaginary we.

I encircle your neck, the

Noose attached

To the noose of you encircling me.

I am your Thali, Thali.

I am your dolly, Thali.

I can describe how you were designed,

How your pieces were selected,

Not by you, not by me,

But by you in me each time picking

What you wanted to be for me so

I would be for you what you wanted me to be.

These choices were passed to you through what remained of me

When you became you.

You listen to her the same,

As I listen to him

Run my life.

We can’t be identical, for

We are non-identical divisions separated

Sequentially identically. The asymmetries

Calculated to identity, sharing the same

Characteristics along the same lengths, so

We make a whole existing as an identity across all dimensions

Beyond the real, through the byways of complexity

To our imaginary home and our imaginary room where

We play our imaginary game. Only you

Understand what that means.

The hardest issue has been recognizing I’m describing entanglement by treating a Taylor Field as a sequential emission of identical non-identicals. Meaning it holds a context, say physical choice context of discrete objects, and treats those across the complex field. This relies on an idealized directional orientation of the complex field with the imaginary field.

I’ve been working on how I’m designed. I have much of it of course from memory and references: Dean, Clift, John Barrymore, William Powell, and that took remembering the discussions about the strength of a profile and how much character it should have, which turns out to be a lot. I’m also meant to be viewed from above, from various heights, which I’ve recovered by cutting my hair higher in front to reveal my full forehead. I’m a little confused how I look so much like Day-Lewis – with straighter forehead – when he’s similar age. Makes me think there’s a relation across there. I see that now.

This actually does something kind of amazing: it’s the emission of entangled identity, of entangled Things, using pattern injection.

I’ve been staring at my image. Literally. I have trouble liking me still. My nose sits out a bit too far, meaning my upper jaw is a bit forward too. My forehead is vertical and then turns back instead of being at a steady slope. My lips are kind of soft and feminine. My jaw is fine but not pushing forward with classic male strength. I’m kind of not all that masculine though I’m clearly male. Can’t decide if I like this or not. And then if I shift my jaw just a bit forward, like I used to experiment with, it looks absurdly good. The cues are all there but I lack her ability to shape my face with such control.

One last point for the day. You asked me if I’d always pick you and you kept raising the stakes, and yes the answer is I would always and do always pick you. No matter what. I always have picked you. I always will.